THE FUTURE IS UNWRITTEN...SO WRITE IT WELL.

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

#DoSomething 2014

There is never a better time than now to do something. I've always been a doer and felt convicted when the story of Mary and Martha was told during a church sermon or bible study. The message was that while Martha carried on with tasks and household activities when Jesus came to visit, it was Mary that truly understood the importance of being still. Mary was able to enjoy the time spent with Jesus without allowing daily distractions to interfere. She wasn't driven by a need to please Him with her actions or deeds. I always thought of her as the wise one. The woman who knew what pleases God. I've strived to be a Mary in a Martha's world. I think the lesson in this story is very significant. Jesus longs for a relationship with us much more than He cares how much you can get done in a day. However, I do think there is another point to be made in this story. God created Mary and Martha to be two very different women with unique purposes. Martha was naturally a doer, and without her Mary may not have been able to sit with ease in the presence of Christ and fully enjoy her time with Him. So, as I look ahead to this new year, I feel convicted to #DoMore and to encourage others to #DoSomething. If you are a doer, like Martha, then start by doing more for others this year. Do something so that others can rest and enjoy the blessings of Jesus in their lives. First on the list: stop talking and start doing. My first #DoSomething in 2014 is a Coat Drive for the Homeless in Atlanta.

Saturday, December 28, 2013

I don't want to be angry...but I am

I love my family. Every day I count my blessings that my parents are alive and healthy. My sister is amazing, and, thanks to her, I get to be a proud aunt. After losing my brother, I am even more aware of how short life is and the importance of appreciating the time I have with family and friends.

What I can't seem to do is LIKE my mother. We've had our differences since I was around 12. I've done my best to maintain some semblance of a relationship with her and to understand the things I've done to contribute to any problems between us. However, this Christmas, similar to every year around this time for as long as I can remember she really made me angry. It didn't begin when my car wouldn't start, but I did recognize feelings of anger when this happened. I've never felt comfortable asking her for help and there are several reasons. But that's not my point in writing this.

My car wouldn't start in Birmingham. I live in Atlanta. I work in Atlanta. I was scheduled to work the day it happened. When my mom finds out she acts exasperated. She informs me that she is having guests for dinner that night (it is currently 3pm and she is serving leftovers for one couple). She also says she is exhausted from Christmas because she was awake until 1pm. She states it takes her 2 hours to wind down and that she watched 3 episodes to finish a TV series. She says by the time she finished the dishes she was so tired (I saw her husband do them earlier that night). She gets my sister who has a flight to catch and a 4 month old to take me to the car to try to jump it off. This doesn't work. She calls my grandmother to ask if I can stay with her. She has my uncle meet my sister to take me to my grandmothers. At this point we had tried all we(my sister and I) knew to do to get my car started. I ended up renting a car and booking it to work. I drove back to Birmingham the next morning to pick up my dog that I had left at my grandmas. The car story doesn't end there, but, again, this is not the point in writing this.

I spoke to my best friend, Brooke, from elementary school today. We had hung out Christmas night for the first time in four years. When she heard about my car you know what her first response was? Lauren! Why didn't you call me! I would have driven you to work. Brooke has two young children. She is a cosmotologist. The last thing she has time for is to drive 2.5 hours to take me to work. However, I know she meant it.

So this is what validated my already surfacing feelings of anger towards my mother. Wasn't Brooke's response a true friend? It wasn't necessary but it showed she cared. So what about my mom. I don't want to be angry. I do give her grace. I sympathize because she lost a son. But I can't help but wonder why it wouldn't come naturally to offer to give me a ride. I picture a mother who would cancel her dinner plans because her daughter needs her. Or if she didn't want to drive all the way to Atlanta she would offer one of her two vehicles to me. Or she could have taken me to the car like my sister did and try to figure out a plan of action. She doesn't work. She doesn't belong to any clubs or organizations. She doesn't have any hobbies. From my perspective I don't know one other person that is available to be there for her family like my mom could be. She tells my grandmother she longs for a close relationship with me. What is really going on?

Most of the time I can empathize with why someone does what they do. Maybe it's a blind spot because she's my mother. Whatever it is, I'd love a little insight to extinguish the anger in my heart. I think my mother is terrible. My dad has said family is all you really have, and he has personally shown it to be true. My mother has shown me that I can't count on her in even practical ways. Does anyone relate? It bothers me enough.